Grateful

“Today, I faced a hard problem. I need something that I don’t have yet, I really need it because I already set my goal and the only way to pursue that is having ‘it’. It was money”

Money. I may translate money as something to be converted into something new thing or new services. If we want to use a toilet in public place, we need to pay. If we want to eat, we have to pay for goods, and so on. Recently, money, in my opinion, is a something that should be belonged. It has governing the human being life. Every single thing is money. In advance, even, the bureaucracy/government was able to be controlled under the money superiority. Because of that, we already knew that corruption was widely spreading in the whole world, it just because to obtain a money. Let say, if we have a money, we can buy anything, we can control everything and we are able to make the world obey us. What a crazy thing. To make it balance, on the other hand, if we use the money wisely, we are able to help other, we can donate our money into several sector which need a help, or we can make some business that gave a great impact to society. So, the final decision is up to us, we need to control the money or otherwise, we influenced by money.

I am the person who hasn’t stable yet. I mean, if I face some condition, I rarely face it calmly. So, from this point, I want to tell you that if I face the enormous amount of luxurious, I will fall. But, fortunately, since I was kid, I was never want to have a lot of luxurious. I just want something for what I need, not anymore. However, even though I am able to hold my lust in luxurious, but I often greedy being whispered to obtain money. There was so many way and offering for me, but it was something that isn’t match with my heart. In my religion, we call it ‘halal’. We only accept something that obtained by the right way. As time passed by, human are being tested by the creator. The more advance our life, the heavier our test. So, since I was kid until my early-20 age, I never obsessed by wealth, but now it has almost ruined me.

Yesterday, I almost scream when my notebook are unable to done the task faster, I need faster technology to pursue the other. I want to surpass them as fast as I can. Mechanical design, flow modelling must be done faster than another. But sadly, it unable to obtain. I was sad, angry and so many emotional expression. I have two choices, sacrifice myself of my family. The second one is impossible, so I choose the first one. I want to make a loan. Yes, I emphasize it, it was the first time I do something very risky to me, and I was crazy, I was uncontrolled. Poor me, bastard!

Fortunately, before I apply my load, I met someone I well-know. In my mind, I was a person that have the worst problem. But I was wrong, after having a precious conversation with him, then I feel like I was bounced back, smashed very hard, but I only ungrateful for what I have. The fuck of me, I was never felt this before, I was never stupid just only for money. This is the first time, maybe, I was crazy to pursue ‘the world’. 

Then, I washed my face, and say ‘what I’ve done, god, I was ungrateful person, this is only shitty temporary things, I don’t need to run faster. The only way I need is to enjoy the process, do something good for another’.

I kneel, and, in the night I look at my wife and I thought to myself, “oh dear, now I have someone that always be beside me, leads his ‘ridho’ to reach Jannah, why I should worry about shitty thing about ‘dunya’. Poor me”

___ “This the change of your payment, sir” l “Just take it to you” l “thank you so much (smile) l___

How beautiful the life is, when we always feel gratefully about everything He gave to us.